At an early age we have the idea seeded into our mind that after high school there is a certain way we have to live our lives. As you get older, that seed grows into a vine that twists about in different directions as you battle with what you want to do, and what you feel you are supposed to do. My whole life I was an honor student and always had very good grades. On top of that, I was heavily involved in a wide range of extra curricular activities. In my mind I had my future all planned out. I was going to graduate high school, go straight to a four year university, graduate from that university, get a job, and live happily ever after the way everyone does. The way we are all told we’re supposed to.
The first wave of doubts came my senior year in high school. One day my economics teacher was speaking to us about life after high school, which he referred to as “the real world”, and that was the first time I ever heard a teacher tell me that college isn’t for everybody. I was so taken aback at what I was hearing. He went on and on about how some people are meant to go directly into the work force, some to a junior college, some to a trait school, etc. and I thought surely he had to be in violation of some unwritten teacher code. I remember sitting there trying to ignore him because I knew that I was going to go straight into a four year university, I had to. But in the back of my mind I couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not I was doing the right thing. However, soon after that class discussion I received my acceptance letter into California State University Fresno, and before I knew it I would be packing up my belongings and riding off into the horizon as I began this new and exciting chapter of my life. My plan was finally falling into place.
The next obstacles in my road map came the spring and summer before I was supposed to leave for college. In March of 2012 I began working for the Modesto Nuts minor league baseball team. It was my dream summer job, and definitely was part of my plan. What wasn’t part of my plan was that while working there I met and began dating the man that is now my fiancé. That summer I also began an internship at an investment firm. Now, it is important to understand that before I graduated high school I loved learning. I looked forward to getting up each morning and filling my mind with knowledge. It was always an exhilarating and empowering feeling for me. I was good at school, plain and simple. However, that summer I learned that there was actually something out there I loved more than going to school. I loved going to work. I loved it so much in fact, that I spent countless hours driving back and forth from Fresno and Modesto just so I could keep both of my jobs. But still, I was under the illusion that I was going to be able to live out my perfect little plan.
But what about God’s plan?
My year at Fresno State was a miserable experience at the time, but in retrospect it was probably one of the most enlightening and wonderful learning experiences of them all. My first couple months there I went through the motions of what I thought a college kid was supposed to be. I went to all of my classes, partied on the weekends, lived off of fast food and top ramen, and on the outside seemed to be enjoying myself. But after those first few months, it became harder and harder to convince myself that I was where I was supposed to be. I only lived two hours away from home, but I had never felt more homesick in my life. I’m sure a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was completely head over heels in love, but to be honest, even if I hadn’t met Eddie I would have been unhappy. I had spent so long trying to live according to my plan that I had never once stopped and thought about God’s plan for me. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped going to class, and I spent most of my time locked in my room lying in bed and doing absolutely nothing. I knew that I had made a mistake. I knew what I needed to do was own up to it and transfer to my home city’s community college. After a lot of prayer and consideration, I knew that was what I should have done all along. But even after making this decision, I had my doubts.
Everyone is going to think I failed.
I was convinced that once people found out I was dropping out of Fresno State and moving back home that they were going to judge me. That in their eyes, I was a failure. Why is that? Why is it that our whole lives we are told that there is only one right way to do things? Teachers, parents, and even the media teach us that there is one way to do adulthood and that if we don’t do it that way, then we won’t succeed. This couldn’t be more false. I wish that there were more teachers like my senior year economics teacher. I wish teachers and parents made it a point to tell us that we have options. That yes, it is easier to get a job once you’ve gone through college, but that doesn’t mean that if you don’t go straight into a four year university that you are a failure. If more people had told me this, then maybe I would have got it right the first time by going straight to a junior college and then transferring. I don’t regret my experience in Fresno because I think that in a way, I learned a lot more than any college course could have taught me.
In the sitcoms we watch we see the typical group of friends sitting around in their mid-twenties or thirties sharing witty banter over a couple beers or a cup of coffee. They, of course, have all gone through college and now have their careers, their lives, and everything else figured out. How extremely misleading. The fact is, that there is no wrong or right way to be an adult. From a moral standpoint yes there are rights and wrongs, but as far as the big life decisions we make, it really should be different for everyone. How extremely boring would it be if everyone went through adulthood the same exact way? Where would all the diversity be?
If you had told me three years ago that at the age of only nineteen I would have a permanent position as a client associate at a big financial firm, be engaged to the man of my dreams, and attending a junior college as opposed to a four year university I would have laughed in your face. That wasn’t my plan. But that’s just the thing. When you turn 18 an instruction manual for the rest of your life doesn’t magically fall into your lap. And no matter how perfect we think our plan for ourselves is, that’s not what life is all about. Life is about God’s plan for us, and the moment that we are willing to give Him the control, we will see Him doing things in our lives we never even dreamed of.